Oh for the love of diabetes.....

Oh for the love of diabetes... 

The last few days have been rough regarding to diabetes, I've been on a roller coaster of ups and downs. Usually by evening I'm right where I'm suppose to be blood sugar wise.  Last night at 2am my pump ran out of insulin ( really wasn't due to run out until tonight ) But since I've been so High the last few days I've used more insulin. Anyways, It alarms when it runs out, woke me up, but I just turned it off, took the pump off and it was on the floor this morning.  That's the thing with me, I'm a great DAYTIME diabetic, Not a very good NIGHTTIME diabetic at all.  I like sleep... Once I'm asleep don't wake me up, OR I'll be a grump grump.  However I always regret in the morning. 

My husband leaves for work around 530-540 AM everyday, He tells me good bye and sometimes I remember it sometimes I don't. I've been up and down all night since that stupid pump alarm, So why I didn't just get up and fix it, I DON'T KNOW!!But I didn't!  I guess it was me trying to show my body that diabetes doesn't control me, but I'm wrong.... So now it's 6 am and I have a horrible headache and my blood sugar is 285. I babysit for a living.  I have a 5 year old I keep half day until her school starts, she gets here at 6 AM otherwise I'd probably still be asleep. I'm not a morning person at all, and especially with high BS ( this is how I will abbreviate for blood sugars from now on, if I mean Bullshit I'll spell it out). I have another baby who gets here at 7 am she is 8 months old, and then another 8 month old that gets here at 830.  I'm only watching the second 8 month old as a favor for today and tomorrow. But they will make me happy because I love babies. 

Lately, I have been doing a low carb diet, it really helps my BS, however it seems as though EVERY weekend I fall off that low carb bandwagon and eat carbs, still prob not as many as I use to eat, but it still effects my bs is a bad way.  I have High insulin sensitivity and well the more carbs I eat, the more insulin it seems to take to attack them.  If I'm eating lower carb I can take less insulin per carb ( insulin to carb ratio is lower ) Makes no sense to me, b/c a carb is a carb and it shouldn't matter if I'm eating the same carbs it should take the same amount of insulin.  So not the case.Yes I do understand that more carbs usually equal more insulin, just let me gripe for a second. 

Diabetes is an asshole.  No other way to put it. Just when you think you've figured it out, it reacts a different way.  Stupid asshole.  You would think after 15 years of living with this asshole that I'd be over it and just do it and not get frustrated, not the case. I have good days and bad days.  However the last three days have been rough and they are wearing on me, I just wish I could kick diabetes ass, and it not kick mine for a change.  We have been in this boxing ring called "life" for way to long, and it makes me wonder who's winning.  Well today I'm winning along with my side kick "the pump".  If I didn't have my pump and I had to do MDI ( multiple daily injections) then I'd prob be in the losing bracket more often. 

So today, I decide I'm winning. I'm going to be happy today, I'm going to keep my bs in my target range, I'm going to eat low carb, I'm going to kick diabetes ass today. Tomorrow may be a different story, but today I've already decided! 

Kick ass today peeps! 
Tara 

Things you don't say to a diabetic

Things you don't say to a diabetic ( no matter the type) 

1. Do you have the bad type of diabetes?? 
      * Yea because there is a good type of diabetes?? Really people think before you speak! 

2. You forgot your insulin?? 
     * Yes, I'm human. I already feel bad about it, so why make me feel worse? Sometimes people just forget stuff... 

3. Why do you let your blood sugar get so high? Or Low? 
     * Oh because I like feeling like crap?? Really? Diabetes isn't that easy to control. In fact, it's just not easy, there are days it runs perfect for no reason at all and days it runs high for no reason at all.... 

4. Can you eat that? 
    * Yes I can.  I can eat whatever I damn well please. We can't just eat lettuce people! 

5. Do you wish you didn't have diabetes?? 
     * uh, no I like giving myself shots and having to watch everything I eat and drink... But actually I don't know who I'd be without it. 


Okay sorry for the rant! HA HA.. But for real be cautious what you say, it might actually hurt someones feelings. 

The day it all started contiued

I hear people talking, not able to make out exactly what they are saying.  I feel the warmth of some one's hand on my hand, their head is in my lap, I feel the wetness of their tears as they hit my arm.  I'm cold, the room is full of a brisk coldness, my head feels pains shooting up from my neck, my body feels heavy, I hurt all over but not sure why.  I open one eye, I see a head full of short black hair in my lap, whomever this is, is the one holding my hand and crying.  I try to talk, no much more than a moan comes out, that head in my lap looks up at me frantically as if I scared them.  His eyes full of tears looking into my eyes, I must be dreaming, It's Jason the boy I've had a huge crush on for over the last year.  He smiles at me, he says " You're awake!" I try to talk and he tells me not too. My mother who is the corner of the room talking to my brother runs over to the side of my bed and says " My baby! You're awake!" I'm confused, everyone is crying.  I don't even know where I am or what happened.  

After much hugging and kissing on me they get the nurse, she comes in and checks on me.  I ask what happened, they then tell me I've been in a coma for 5 days and I have diabetes.  It's all foreign to me at that point I don't even know what diabetes is! But a coma doesn't sound good.  I can't think clearly my head hurts to bad. They tell me to rest and not worry. I drift back to sleep. 

As I'm laying there half asleep I hear everything everyone is saying. They are talking about insulin, shots, how lucky I am, etc.  LUCKY??? I don't feel lucky!! I have to give my self a freaking shot?? NOT HAPPENING! Later the doctor comes in and examines me. He tells me that I had the highest blood sugar he's ever seen a patient have and actually "LIVE". I said well how high was it?  He says "2022" I said oh, well what's it suppose to be? He says " 70-110 is normal" I said oh WOW, guess I'm special? He laughs and says "Yea I guess you are". 

I couldn't rest in that darn hospital room, you know how it is they are always  coming in and disturbing you, well when you're diabetic you don't get any rest because on top of all the normal vitals they check they come in and stick your finger to do a blood sugar check, and then that usually results in a shot of insulin.  The nurse told me that I was going to have to give myself shots before they'd let me leave this place, I laughed and said well I guess make a permanent room because that's not happening.  She laughed.  But I was serious. 

Several days go by, I still won't give myself a shot.  I'm terrified of needles.  If I had more energy I would fight them more! But I don't so I just lay there and take whatever they are doing to me, but do it to myself? They are nuts! I did eventually give myself a shot, I just wanted to go home, I was the center of attention there and that isn't my favorite place to be.  My mom promised if I would just give myself a shot here that she would do it at home for me. So we made a deal and I sucked it up and did it, It really wasn't that bad but so not the point. 

I finally got to go home.  It was nice getting to be in my own house. But my whole life had changed. Now I couldn't even drink or eat ANYTHING without EVERYONE asking "Can you eat that?" "What's your blood sugar" "are you sure you should do that?"  When school started back everyone had heard about my ordeal. Some of the kids came to see me, Most didn't.  People at school treated me two ways 1. Like I had a disease they could catch and they'd die, or 2. like I couldn't take care of myself and asked me every five minutes if I was okay, or if I should eat that or drink that.  I really just wanted to give everyone the middle finger, however I didn't because I wasn't a kid who liked to be in trouble. 

The years went on, and I dealt with it all  better, but my mom never stopped worrying even more now that I was the "sick" kid. She blamed herself a lot that I got as sick as I did.  It wasn't her fault she is a wonderful mom and always takes great care of all of us kids. Life happens, for some reason I got the wonderful disease of Type 1 diabetes it's no body's fault but my bodies! 

Fast forward 15 years. I'm not 30 and I've had a successful pregnancy with diabetes and I have a wonderful healthy 6 year old little girl who is my life! I pray she doesn't get this wretched disease, if she does at least I have lived with it and know how to do it all. 

Diabetes is not fun. No doubt in that. But it is a livable disease, they are coming out with more and more devices/medicines to make our lives easier. One day I hope they have a cure, doubt it will be in my lifetime, but I believe it will happen. 

This was my background info of how I found out I have diabetes, the rest of the blog is just daily life with diabetes. Some will be happy post some will not. Thats just how it is. 

Thanks for following! 

The day it all started

Life with diabetes.... 

Until you live it you won't understand it, even if you are a family member who tries really hard to just "get it". It's not your fault, it's okay that you don't get it, and we the diabetic actually prefer that you don't. 

I was diagnosed when I was 15, I have now had Type 1 diabetes for over half my life. At the age 15 I was already in that awkward part of life that you are trying to figure everything out... Diabetes just made me more awkward. 

I was sick, really sick for about two weeks, we thought I had a stomach flu but I actually was in DKA.  ( Diabetes Keto acidosis) I was a stubborn teen and wouldn't let my mother take me to the doctor, I told her there's nothing they can do for the stomach flu, which is correct. But I kept getting worse and worse, couldn't even keep down water. I eventually got dehydrated, I awoke in the middle of the night feeling like I was on my death bed ( which I was) I couldn't see, I couldn't talk, I could barely walk.  I didn't want to wake my mother so I laid on the couch in the den next to her room, she woke up and realized something was terribly wrong with me. She took me to my doctor, only because I wouldn't agree on the ER.  We had to wait as you do at most doctors offices.  My head was getting heavier, I knew I wasn't going to remain awake much longer, I kept having to get water to put on my lips so that I could attempt to talk.  I told my mother I needed to lay down, and I was NOT going to wake back up.  I knew that once I closed my eyes I may never wake back up.  They finally came to get me, I told the nurse I had to lay down, I did and I drifted off into a coma..... 

to be continued......