Why I decided to Homeschool.

Sorry it's been so long since I blogged.  Life has been CRRAY CRAY... 

I started homeschooling my daughter three weeks ago. It was definitely what needed to be done. It was a HUGE HUGE HUGE decision. It was something that I had already been leading towards, b/c she was having so much anxiety about going.  She cried every morning, every day after school, she was just not a happy kid anymore. her self confidence had dropped drastically. Her school work was less than acceptable. etc. 

After she came home TWICE in "pee pee" pants I decided that I had, had enough! You see she has a bladder issue, she has to urinate 30-50 times a day ( no exaggeration there either)! Her teacher had the letter from the urologist stating to let her go and she would have to go a lot etc. Her teacher had a one on one conversation with me about it. Her teacher and I also emailed back and fourth daily. BUT they still didn't let her go sometimes and for two days in a row she pee'd her pants..... She was so embarrassed that she didn't tell anyone and just walked around in pee pee pants... NOT OKAY!!! there were three boys who already made fun of her on a daily basis, counting how many times she went, saying she's weird b/c she pees all the time etc etc etc.... 

She came home that Monday after school.  Deflated. No self worth at all. She felt she was WEIRD. I could smell the pee pee as we walked home. I didn't say anything then, b/c we walked with friends everyday. Once we got home she broke down in tears. She told me she would gladly take a shot in her "pee pee" if it would make her "unweird". that BROKE my heart..... We talked about it, I boosted her back up and she went on to play. 

I had the talk with my husband after dinner. Told him what happened. He was just as irate as I was.  Our plan was to start homeschooling in January.  We were unprepared as far as having all the curriculum I wanted to have. BUT I had already done months and months of research. THANKFULLY.... You know what, the thought of homeschooling made me anxious. Am I good enough? Will I have enough patience? etc... But you know what? It's not about me at this point. It's about whats best for her. As parents we sacrifice. So, we told her that night as she was having panic attack after panic attack about going back to school that she didn't have to go back. We would home school. You shoulda seen her face! she was instantly relieved. She finally for the first time in MONTHS slept ALL night! Yall that's huge! 

So we made the plunge! No looking back! and it was the BEST decision we have ever made. Her confidence is back. She's happy. Her school work has improved a 100 x better! her attitude is great. Her and I argue WAY less.  I'm LESS stressed because I don't worry about her all day! Her and I see each other ALL the time now. We read together. Play games together. Cook together. LEARN together.  Ya'll sometimes you just have to follow your heart. I did.. and I'm thankful for it! And pray about it. I did, God had been telling me what to do for months. I just had to research it. But at that moment, my husband and I knew what we had to do, we all have to sacrifice for this. My husband works more. I have more on my plate, but it's totally worth it! 

As far as blood sugars. They've been up and down as always. I'm having a rough few days ( prob due to thanksgiving and way tooo many carbs!) but overall I'm still winning this fight of diabetes. Hoping one day I'll have it perfected. Until then I just keep on keeping on. 

it's been a while............

It's been awhile since I have blogged. I'm a horrible blogger b/c I tend to get in these ruts of things. I go in spurts. Sorry!

Yesterday I went to bed at 630 PM.  I was so tired, I had body aches and I just didn't feel that great. So I left my husband to put up food, and do dishes and put the kid to bed. I had him wake me up to tuck her in and I went back to bed. I just didn't feel well. I slept 13 hours last night. I feel much better today, yet I'm still tired.

My Blood sugars have been in the high 300's for a few weeks now. STRESS I'm sure.  But also I stopped eating low carb b/c well the convenience of it wasn't that easy. Especially with Ally in the hospital.

Anyways. I'm just not feeling up to PAR these last several days. I'm not exactly sure whats going on. But I just don't feel the greatest.

I'll blog more later.

Tara

busy life...

Sorry I've been gone for awhile. My daughter ended up getting admitted to the hospital for pneumonia.  We were only there one night and got to leave the next day, but it's still rough.  She has officially been sick for a week today.  This mama is wore out. 

she's slowly getting better. We have a ton of homework to do. While we were in the hospital the "Toy cart" came around and gave her a great toy! She got 8 new princess barbies! She was ecstatic and that was the first smile we had seen since being there! I had no idea that they even did that, it was a great way to make her feel special! I'll have to donate to them. 

So My blood sugars as you can imagine have been off the charts all over the place, from 60-400! I'm a worrier as it is, and when it comes to my kid I'm even worse at being worried about her all the time! especially when sick, and then sick enough to be in the hospital, made it a thousands times worse. 

Let me just tell you the hospital is no fun.  Her oxygen alarm went off like every 10-20 min ( no exaggeration!) so I maybe got a hour of sleep, she only slept maybe 3-4 hours herself. But she felt amazingly better after the IV's! so we got to go home and now we are just trying to get her feeling better. We do a little bit of homework everyday so it's kind of like a taste of homeschooling. ( I've been thinking about homeschooling) 

But we are on the road to recovery!! This weekend she goes to her dad's. My husband and I had planned a trip to Miranda Lambert's new B&B for this weekend, I'm hoping Ally is well enough I can go without worrying the whole time. But it should be fun! I'm looking forward to some relaxation! 

Til next time y'all! 
Tara 

STRESS = HIGH BLOOD SUGAR

Stress = High blood sugars............ 

Yesterday my daughter ( she's 6 ) came home from school laid on the floor and says " Mama, I feel like I've been ran over" I said "What?" She says "Yea, my whole body hurts, my head hurts, my chest hurts and my throat" I check her temp and it's 101.5, so I'm like great! I can hear her wheezing, So we decide to take her to the pediatric urgent care, Boy am I glad we didn't wait!!! She has pneumonia! She got two shots in her booty and if she's not better today then more shots and then if still not better they will admit her for IV antibiotics.... This mama is scared! I am a worrier, especially about my baby. Now I'm super worried.  

I didn't sleep last night, I woke up like every hour, I just kept checking on her.  The fact that her room is on the opposite side of the house didn't help matters.  I really just wanted to sleep on her floor, b/c then if she woke up in respiratory distress I could hear it.  I didn't, I slept in my bed with my husband, but I woke up every hour.  

In the midst of all that my blood sugars have sky rocketed to the 300's again.  I woke up at 2 am it was 300, took a shot( it usually works faster than pump bolus) then when i woke up at 6 I was 355! Higher than I was at 2 am! which is nuts since I took a shot and had my pump on. I checked it about 45 min ago it was 245 so it's better but it always goes up when I'm stressed!! ugh!! 

So Ally woke up this morning, no fever which is good! But not feeling well at all, just laying around and still felt like she had been ran over.  I gave her cough meds, ibuprofen and zofran for her nausea.  About an hour later she perked up, and she's slowly going down hill again and now has a 100.1 on ibuprofen, so it looks as though we will be going to get more shots later today..... =( 

So if you're the praying type, please pray for her. I really hope she gets better so she doesn't have to go in to the hospital. 

Thanks! 
Tara 

Holy batman! 300!

Holy batman! Woke up to a bs of 304. YUCK!! 

Bs is such a funny little things, you can go to bed Normal, wake up high with your pump on ( no it's not occluded ) for no darn reason! 

So I did my correction and drank my coffee, we will see how it is in the two hour range.  I also woke up with sinus congestion and cough so could be that I'm getting sick? Who knows! 

I had a total hysterectomy back in June, every since my hormones have been off and they totally effect my diabetes. I can't take any HRT b/c they have all made my bs sky rocket into the high 300's to 500, can't be having that crap! So I just go started on Brisdelle its the only non hormonal medicine that helps hot flashes.  been on it for about 9 days and i love it! So lets hope it stays that way. 

I already have two babies here today. They are both asleep.  My daughter leaves for school in about 20 min and she's fed, dressed, we read two chapters in her Juney B book and now she's listening to her new frozen book that reads to her. So it's a peaceful morning around here. EVERYONE is happy at the moment. next baby should be here in about 15 min, then I'll have the same three babies I had yesterday. They all get along great, it really wasn't that bad! hoping today is the same! 

I am frustrated with myself tho, I meant to wake up at 6 about 45 min before my first baby gets here, that way I can drink  coffee and BLOG and read blogs.  I'm totally addicted to blogging and reading blogs and when I don't get it in the mornings i get upset with myself. BUT I am the one who CHOSE to sleep in. I'm just so tired. Luckily it worked out for me that the babies are tired and already napping! one fell asleep just laying on the floor, the other in the swing... woot woot. 

Off to spend a few more min with my sweet daughter before she's off to school. Have a blessed day! 
Tara 

Praying for my daughter.......

Woke up with a blood sugar of 254, doesn't make any sense since last night it was perfect and I literally had like ZERO carbs... UGH! 

Today I have three babies, two 8 month olds and a 1 year old.  It's a trying day, but I'm pretty darn good at it b/c they are all ASLEEP at the same time... WOW, I amaze myself sometimes.  They really are good babies and get along very well which helps me out a lot.  

I think I'm just stressed out a bit so there for it's making my bs higher than they should be.  My daughter is 6, she's in first grade this year. She hates it, she hates the fact that she is away from me during the day, she hates going, she hates being there, she hates homework she has kids that make fun of her every day and well she's not doing very well in school.  One thing is she uses the restroom 8 times in a two hour period, ( she has always urinated more often, but it's getting worse) I'm taking her to the doctor next week, and I'm going to make them check her for diabetes.  I pray pray pray that she doesn't have diabetes, but with me being a type 1 I just want them to run an A1C and check it for me and I'll feel better knowing it was checked.  So b/c she urinates so often she gets behind at school and then rushes to complete it and it's less than acceptable work so she has to REDO a lot of papers, and she is 6 so she's a bit of a "time waster" but that's prob normal lol.  Anyways, I've been thinking about homeschooling her.  BUT do I have the patience for that?? I don't know? I'm worried about it.  I've made the decision to try this year and see if as the school year progresses that it gets easier and better for her, 1 reason being b/c i need to do research on homeschooling and if that's the road we take what program to use etc. I have also decided that if she does come back with diabetes that I will home school, I think that it would stress me out more to send her to school and trust someone who knows very little about diabetes to treat her for lunches etc. Blood sugars are a scary thing and even scarier in children. 

So if you're the praying type, please pray for my daughter Ally, that we figure out whats causing her symptoms and that it's nothing bad. 

I'm off to tend to the babies.... Have a great day! 
Tara 

Oh for the love of diabetes.....

Oh for the love of diabetes... 

The last few days have been rough regarding to diabetes, I've been on a roller coaster of ups and downs. Usually by evening I'm right where I'm suppose to be blood sugar wise.  Last night at 2am my pump ran out of insulin ( really wasn't due to run out until tonight ) But since I've been so High the last few days I've used more insulin. Anyways, It alarms when it runs out, woke me up, but I just turned it off, took the pump off and it was on the floor this morning.  That's the thing with me, I'm a great DAYTIME diabetic, Not a very good NIGHTTIME diabetic at all.  I like sleep... Once I'm asleep don't wake me up, OR I'll be a grump grump.  However I always regret in the morning. 

My husband leaves for work around 530-540 AM everyday, He tells me good bye and sometimes I remember it sometimes I don't. I've been up and down all night since that stupid pump alarm, So why I didn't just get up and fix it, I DON'T KNOW!!But I didn't!  I guess it was me trying to show my body that diabetes doesn't control me, but I'm wrong.... So now it's 6 am and I have a horrible headache and my blood sugar is 285. I babysit for a living.  I have a 5 year old I keep half day until her school starts, she gets here at 6 AM otherwise I'd probably still be asleep. I'm not a morning person at all, and especially with high BS ( this is how I will abbreviate for blood sugars from now on, if I mean Bullshit I'll spell it out). I have another baby who gets here at 7 am she is 8 months old, and then another 8 month old that gets here at 830.  I'm only watching the second 8 month old as a favor for today and tomorrow. But they will make me happy because I love babies. 

Lately, I have been doing a low carb diet, it really helps my BS, however it seems as though EVERY weekend I fall off that low carb bandwagon and eat carbs, still prob not as many as I use to eat, but it still effects my bs is a bad way.  I have High insulin sensitivity and well the more carbs I eat, the more insulin it seems to take to attack them.  If I'm eating lower carb I can take less insulin per carb ( insulin to carb ratio is lower ) Makes no sense to me, b/c a carb is a carb and it shouldn't matter if I'm eating the same carbs it should take the same amount of insulin.  So not the case.Yes I do understand that more carbs usually equal more insulin, just let me gripe for a second. 

Diabetes is an asshole.  No other way to put it. Just when you think you've figured it out, it reacts a different way.  Stupid asshole.  You would think after 15 years of living with this asshole that I'd be over it and just do it and not get frustrated, not the case. I have good days and bad days.  However the last three days have been rough and they are wearing on me, I just wish I could kick diabetes ass, and it not kick mine for a change.  We have been in this boxing ring called "life" for way to long, and it makes me wonder who's winning.  Well today I'm winning along with my side kick "the pump".  If I didn't have my pump and I had to do MDI ( multiple daily injections) then I'd prob be in the losing bracket more often. 

So today, I decide I'm winning. I'm going to be happy today, I'm going to keep my bs in my target range, I'm going to eat low carb, I'm going to kick diabetes ass today. Tomorrow may be a different story, but today I've already decided! 

Kick ass today peeps! 
Tara 

Things you don't say to a diabetic

Things you don't say to a diabetic ( no matter the type) 

1. Do you have the bad type of diabetes?? 
      * Yea because there is a good type of diabetes?? Really people think before you speak! 

2. You forgot your insulin?? 
     * Yes, I'm human. I already feel bad about it, so why make me feel worse? Sometimes people just forget stuff... 

3. Why do you let your blood sugar get so high? Or Low? 
     * Oh because I like feeling like crap?? Really? Diabetes isn't that easy to control. In fact, it's just not easy, there are days it runs perfect for no reason at all and days it runs high for no reason at all.... 

4. Can you eat that? 
    * Yes I can.  I can eat whatever I damn well please. We can't just eat lettuce people! 

5. Do you wish you didn't have diabetes?? 
     * uh, no I like giving myself shots and having to watch everything I eat and drink... But actually I don't know who I'd be without it. 


Okay sorry for the rant! HA HA.. But for real be cautious what you say, it might actually hurt someones feelings. 

The day it all started contiued

I hear people talking, not able to make out exactly what they are saying.  I feel the warmth of some one's hand on my hand, their head is in my lap, I feel the wetness of their tears as they hit my arm.  I'm cold, the room is full of a brisk coldness, my head feels pains shooting up from my neck, my body feels heavy, I hurt all over but not sure why.  I open one eye, I see a head full of short black hair in my lap, whomever this is, is the one holding my hand and crying.  I try to talk, no much more than a moan comes out, that head in my lap looks up at me frantically as if I scared them.  His eyes full of tears looking into my eyes, I must be dreaming, It's Jason the boy I've had a huge crush on for over the last year.  He smiles at me, he says " You're awake!" I try to talk and he tells me not too. My mother who is the corner of the room talking to my brother runs over to the side of my bed and says " My baby! You're awake!" I'm confused, everyone is crying.  I don't even know where I am or what happened.  

After much hugging and kissing on me they get the nurse, she comes in and checks on me.  I ask what happened, they then tell me I've been in a coma for 5 days and I have diabetes.  It's all foreign to me at that point I don't even know what diabetes is! But a coma doesn't sound good.  I can't think clearly my head hurts to bad. They tell me to rest and not worry. I drift back to sleep. 

As I'm laying there half asleep I hear everything everyone is saying. They are talking about insulin, shots, how lucky I am, etc.  LUCKY??? I don't feel lucky!! I have to give my self a freaking shot?? NOT HAPPENING! Later the doctor comes in and examines me. He tells me that I had the highest blood sugar he's ever seen a patient have and actually "LIVE". I said well how high was it?  He says "2022" I said oh, well what's it suppose to be? He says " 70-110 is normal" I said oh WOW, guess I'm special? He laughs and says "Yea I guess you are". 

I couldn't rest in that darn hospital room, you know how it is they are always  coming in and disturbing you, well when you're diabetic you don't get any rest because on top of all the normal vitals they check they come in and stick your finger to do a blood sugar check, and then that usually results in a shot of insulin.  The nurse told me that I was going to have to give myself shots before they'd let me leave this place, I laughed and said well I guess make a permanent room because that's not happening.  She laughed.  But I was serious. 

Several days go by, I still won't give myself a shot.  I'm terrified of needles.  If I had more energy I would fight them more! But I don't so I just lay there and take whatever they are doing to me, but do it to myself? They are nuts! I did eventually give myself a shot, I just wanted to go home, I was the center of attention there and that isn't my favorite place to be.  My mom promised if I would just give myself a shot here that she would do it at home for me. So we made a deal and I sucked it up and did it, It really wasn't that bad but so not the point. 

I finally got to go home.  It was nice getting to be in my own house. But my whole life had changed. Now I couldn't even drink or eat ANYTHING without EVERYONE asking "Can you eat that?" "What's your blood sugar" "are you sure you should do that?"  When school started back everyone had heard about my ordeal. Some of the kids came to see me, Most didn't.  People at school treated me two ways 1. Like I had a disease they could catch and they'd die, or 2. like I couldn't take care of myself and asked me every five minutes if I was okay, or if I should eat that or drink that.  I really just wanted to give everyone the middle finger, however I didn't because I wasn't a kid who liked to be in trouble. 

The years went on, and I dealt with it all  better, but my mom never stopped worrying even more now that I was the "sick" kid. She blamed herself a lot that I got as sick as I did.  It wasn't her fault she is a wonderful mom and always takes great care of all of us kids. Life happens, for some reason I got the wonderful disease of Type 1 diabetes it's no body's fault but my bodies! 

Fast forward 15 years. I'm not 30 and I've had a successful pregnancy with diabetes and I have a wonderful healthy 6 year old little girl who is my life! I pray she doesn't get this wretched disease, if she does at least I have lived with it and know how to do it all. 

Diabetes is not fun. No doubt in that. But it is a livable disease, they are coming out with more and more devices/medicines to make our lives easier. One day I hope they have a cure, doubt it will be in my lifetime, but I believe it will happen. 

This was my background info of how I found out I have diabetes, the rest of the blog is just daily life with diabetes. Some will be happy post some will not. Thats just how it is. 

Thanks for following! 

The day it all started

Life with diabetes.... 

Until you live it you won't understand it, even if you are a family member who tries really hard to just "get it". It's not your fault, it's okay that you don't get it, and we the diabetic actually prefer that you don't. 

I was diagnosed when I was 15, I have now had Type 1 diabetes for over half my life. At the age 15 I was already in that awkward part of life that you are trying to figure everything out... Diabetes just made me more awkward. 

I was sick, really sick for about two weeks, we thought I had a stomach flu but I actually was in DKA.  ( Diabetes Keto acidosis) I was a stubborn teen and wouldn't let my mother take me to the doctor, I told her there's nothing they can do for the stomach flu, which is correct. But I kept getting worse and worse, couldn't even keep down water. I eventually got dehydrated, I awoke in the middle of the night feeling like I was on my death bed ( which I was) I couldn't see, I couldn't talk, I could barely walk.  I didn't want to wake my mother so I laid on the couch in the den next to her room, she woke up and realized something was terribly wrong with me. She took me to my doctor, only because I wouldn't agree on the ER.  We had to wait as you do at most doctors offices.  My head was getting heavier, I knew I wasn't going to remain awake much longer, I kept having to get water to put on my lips so that I could attempt to talk.  I told my mother I needed to lay down, and I was NOT going to wake back up.  I knew that once I closed my eyes I may never wake back up.  They finally came to get me, I told the nurse I had to lay down, I did and I drifted off into a coma..... 

to be continued......