Oh for the love of diabetes.....

Oh for the love of diabetes... 

The last few days have been rough regarding to diabetes, I've been on a roller coaster of ups and downs. Usually by evening I'm right where I'm suppose to be blood sugar wise.  Last night at 2am my pump ran out of insulin ( really wasn't due to run out until tonight ) But since I've been so High the last few days I've used more insulin. Anyways, It alarms when it runs out, woke me up, but I just turned it off, took the pump off and it was on the floor this morning.  That's the thing with me, I'm a great DAYTIME diabetic, Not a very good NIGHTTIME diabetic at all.  I like sleep... Once I'm asleep don't wake me up, OR I'll be a grump grump.  However I always regret in the morning. 

My husband leaves for work around 530-540 AM everyday, He tells me good bye and sometimes I remember it sometimes I don't. I've been up and down all night since that stupid pump alarm, So why I didn't just get up and fix it, I DON'T KNOW!!But I didn't!  I guess it was me trying to show my body that diabetes doesn't control me, but I'm wrong.... So now it's 6 am and I have a horrible headache and my blood sugar is 285. I babysit for a living.  I have a 5 year old I keep half day until her school starts, she gets here at 6 AM otherwise I'd probably still be asleep. I'm not a morning person at all, and especially with high BS ( this is how I will abbreviate for blood sugars from now on, if I mean Bullshit I'll spell it out). I have another baby who gets here at 7 am she is 8 months old, and then another 8 month old that gets here at 830.  I'm only watching the second 8 month old as a favor for today and tomorrow. But they will make me happy because I love babies. 

Lately, I have been doing a low carb diet, it really helps my BS, however it seems as though EVERY weekend I fall off that low carb bandwagon and eat carbs, still prob not as many as I use to eat, but it still effects my bs is a bad way.  I have High insulin sensitivity and well the more carbs I eat, the more insulin it seems to take to attack them.  If I'm eating lower carb I can take less insulin per carb ( insulin to carb ratio is lower ) Makes no sense to me, b/c a carb is a carb and it shouldn't matter if I'm eating the same carbs it should take the same amount of insulin.  So not the case.Yes I do understand that more carbs usually equal more insulin, just let me gripe for a second. 

Diabetes is an asshole.  No other way to put it. Just when you think you've figured it out, it reacts a different way.  Stupid asshole.  You would think after 15 years of living with this asshole that I'd be over it and just do it and not get frustrated, not the case. I have good days and bad days.  However the last three days have been rough and they are wearing on me, I just wish I could kick diabetes ass, and it not kick mine for a change.  We have been in this boxing ring called "life" for way to long, and it makes me wonder who's winning.  Well today I'm winning along with my side kick "the pump".  If I didn't have my pump and I had to do MDI ( multiple daily injections) then I'd prob be in the losing bracket more often. 

So today, I decide I'm winning. I'm going to be happy today, I'm going to keep my bs in my target range, I'm going to eat low carb, I'm going to kick diabetes ass today. Tomorrow may be a different story, but today I've already decided! 

Kick ass today peeps! 
Tara